Films that resonated with me the most this year are ones about memories, loss, family and friendship. Maybe because this year I’ve been thinking a lot of about getting old, about loved ones who are no longer around, and friends that I have not seen in years. Also how there never seems to be enough time to do everything I want, and trying to prioritise what matters.

The future is something I fear, it’s hard to feel optimistic. Everything feels topsy-turvy regionally and internationally - global warming, authoritarianism on the rise, especially outside the Middle East, distrust of the media and of technology.

All of this makes me think of the film title I Don't Feel at Home in This World Anymore (Macon Blair, 2017) because that’s how I feel most of the time.

I also find myself more and more withdrawn from cultural happenings. There are more egos than intellectual stimulation at most of these events, and lots of people that belong to “big fish in a small pond” category. It gets tiring.

Which is why I continue to find solace in cinemas, a coping mechanism and an escape.

My top 10 of 2019

The Irishman (Martin Scorsese, 2019)

“Don’t shut the door all the way. I don’t like that. Just leave it open a little bit.”

2. Once Upon a Time in…Hollywood (Quentin Tarantino, 2019)

“God-damned fucking hippies!”

3. Ad Astra (James Gray, 2019)

“I will live and love. Submit.”

4. The Souvenir (Joanna Hogg, 2019)

“But that's what we want to know when we go and see a film. We don't wanna just see life played out as is. We wanna see life as it is experienced…”

5. A Hidden Life (Terrence Malick, 2019)

"If our leaders, if they're evil, what does one do?”

6. The Mule (Clint Eastwood, 2018)

Earl: I love you Mary.
Mary: More today than yesterday.
Earl: Not as much as tomorrow.

7. Fourteen (Dan Salitt, 2019)

“I’ve known her a long time, I guess I see her differently.”

8. Apollo 11 (Todd Douglas Miller, 2019)

“I promise to let you know if I stop breathing.”

9. Parasite (Bong Joon-ho, 2019)

“If you make a plan, life never works out that way.”

10. Dark Waters (Todd Haynes, 2019)

“The system is rigged! They want us to think it’ll protect us. We protect us! We do!”

20 more in alphabetical order

10 Days Before the Wedding (Amr Gamal, 2018, Yemen)

”The war is still on but in a different way.”

Atlantique (Mati Diop, 2019)

“I felt your weeping dragging me to shore.”

Article 15 (Anubhav Sinha, 2019, India)

”They wanted a 3-rupee raise.”

Destroyer (Karyn Kusama, 2018)

"I didn't want you to be like me. I'm mad, I'm still fucking mad, it's burned a circuit in my brain.”

End of the Century (Lucio Castro, 2019)

“I feel that we’ve met before.”

Fighting With My Family ( Stephen Merchant, 2019)

”Yeah, well, not all British girls are timid. Just like not all Americans are arrogant wankers.”

Le Mans ‘66 (Ford v Ferrari) (James Mangold, 2019)

”Look out there. Out there is the perfect lap. You see it?”

I Lost My Body (Jérémy Clapin, 2019)

“Do you believe in fate?”

Instant Family (Sean Anders, 2018)

”Pretend mom!”

I Was At Home, But (Angela Schanelec, 2019)

”I don’t think anyone can understand something they’ve never felt that hasn't affected them personally.”

Mirai (Mamoru Hosoda, 2018)

“These little things all come together to make up who we are today.”

Pain and Glory (Pedro Almodóvar, 2019)

“I don’t want any of this in your films.”

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (Céline Sciamma, 2019)

“In solitude, I felt the liberty you spoke of. But I also felt your absence.”

Talking About Trees (Suhaib Gasmelbari, Sudan, 2019)

“Seeing a movie with friends is better than watching one alone at home.”

Sonchiriya (Abhishek Chaubey, India, 2019)

“Caste categories are for men; women are a separate caste altogether.”

To Let (Chezhiyan, India, 2019)

“Which caste do you belong to?”

Uncut Gems (Josh Safdie, Benny Safdie, 2019)

”This is me. This is how I win.”

The Unknown Saint (Alaa Eddine Aljem, Morocco, 2019)

Us (Jordan Peele, 201)

”We're Americans.”

A White, White Day (Hlynur Pálmason, Iceland, 2019)

“The dead can still talk to those who are still living on certain days when the white of the sky matches the white on the ground.”

A few more film highlights per month if you are still interested:

January:

PROSPECT (Christopher Caldwell, Zeek Earl), an indie sci-fi film I wish more people watched
SERENDIPITY (Steven Knight) because it was enjoyably weird
REPLICAS (Steven Knight) starring Keanu Reeves and an ending that features Dubai

February:

ARCTIC (Joe Penna), one man, one location starring Mads Mikkelsen
UPGRADE (Leigh Whannell) missed this last year, so glad it was finally released in UAE cinemas
CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME ( Marielle Heller)

March:

GULLY BOY (Zoya Akhtar)
THE REPORTS ON SARAH AND SALEEM (Muayad Alayan)
DAMASCUS-ALEPPO (Bassel al-Khatib)
SUPERDELUXE (Thiagarajan Kumararaja)
GRETA (Neil Jordan) because of Isabelle Huppert

April:

CAPTIVE STATE (Rupert Wyatt) because of John Goodman.
THE WIND (Emma Tammi) impressive horror western debut feature
TEEN SPIRIT (Max Minghella) because it felt like a long form music video.
MISSING LINK (Chris Butler)

May:

EIGHTH GRADE ( Bo Burnham), went straight to VOD here, so glad I was able to see it in a cinema in London
BEACH BUM (Harmony Korine) only because of Martin Lawrence, the funniest scene in film this year
JOHN WICK 3 (Chad Stahelski) because it’s JOHN WICK
ALWAYS BE MY BABY (Nahnatchka Khan) because of Keanu Reeves

June:

THE SUN IS ALSO A STAR (Ry Russo-Young) only because of the two Emirati men in the cinema besides me watching the film in the morning, found it endearing they were there to watch a teen romance film
CHERNOBYL (Johan Renck) not a film, but wish there was a way to watch all 5 episodes on the big screen

July:

LYING AND STEALING (Matt Aselton) because "I'm an art consultant." "What does that mean?"
CRAWL (Alexandre Aja)
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WIND (Orson Welles) - finally got to see it on the big screen at Karlovy Vary Film Festival

August:

THE BOAT (Winston Azzopardi)
HELLO, LOVE, GOODBYE (Cathy Garcia-Molina)
READY OR NOT (Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett)
MUSK (Humaid Alsuwaidi)
Disney Film Festival at Dubai Opera, especially CINDERELLA, SLEEPING BEAUTY, THE ARISTOCATS, 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA, TRON

September:

ANGEL HAS FALLEN (Ric Roman Waugh) only because of Nick Nolte
HUSTLERS (Lorene Scafaria) only because of Jennifer Lawrence’s intro dance scene
GOOD BOYS (Gene Stupnitsky) because it made me laugh so much
DOMINO (Brian De Palma) - had to get on a train from Amsterdam to Utrecht to see it because it turns out a Brian De Palma film is no longer a big deal

October:

OVERSEAS (Sung-a Yoon) because this film should be force streamed in every household in the Middle East, especially the Gulf region
HONEYLAND (Ljubomir Stefanov, Tamara Kotevska) only because of the tearful conversation I had after the film with a woman who was sitting in the same row as me
MOTHERLESS BROOKLYN (Edward Norton) There's one short kaleidoscope lensed swimming scene that stayed with me.
KILLERMAN (Malik Bader)
KNIVES OUT (Rian Johnson)
DOLEMITE IS MY NAME (Craig Brewer)

November:

MIDWAY (Roland Emmerich)
KAITHI (Lokesh Kanagaraj)

December:

I SEE YOU (Adam Randall) because it was erie from start to end, and refreshingly unpredictable
NATIONAL THEATRE LIVE: FLEABAG (Vicky Jones) because it was good to see the origin story

Favourite Films of 2019